Introduction
We’ve all heard it said: “Boundaries are like property lines,” marking where one person ends and another begins. But here’s the question few of us ask: Do you actually know what’s on your property?
Many of us go through life without a clear sense of our own emotional space—caught up in busyness, comparisons, or the relentless pull of social media. So, how do we reclaim the internal world we’ve unwittingly given away? Let’s dive into why recognizing what’s truly ours is essential for living a life of confidence, clarity, and well-being.
The Heart of True Ownership
Boundaries aren’t just about keeping unwanted things out; they’re about knowing what belongs to you. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend emphasize in their work on boundaries that ownership of self includes our feelings, desires, thoughts, and values. When you lose sight of these, you lose sight of who you are (Cloud & Townsend, 1992).
Feelings: Emotions can guide us, warn us, or motivate us—if we pay attention.
Desires: These are the passions that fuel our dreams, creativity, and fulfillment.
Thoughts: Our unique perspectives shape how we interpret the world.
Values: These serve as our moral compass, defining what truly matters.
Owning these aspects means taking responsibility for them, rather than letting others dictate or dismiss them.
How We Lose Touch with Our Inner World
Despite the significance of “property lines,” it’s easy to become disconnected from what’s ours. Why? Because modern life is jam-packed:
Social Media Overload: Constant scrolling can drown out our own desires and replace them with external expectations.
Comparison Culture: We measure our wants, feelings, and successes against others, losing track of what we actually need or believe in.
Overcommitment: When we say ‘yes’ to everything, we end up resentful and overwhelmed, ignoring our own limits and yearnings.
Result: We become strangers in our own emotional house, adopting goals, pressures, and opinions that might not align with our values (Brown, 2012).
The Psychology of Boundaries and Self-Ownership
Research in self-determination theory reveals that humans thrive when they feel autonomy, competence, and relatedness (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Autonomy, in particular, is about owning your choices—knowing what you want, think, and feel, and deciding how to act based on that awareness.
Here’s the insight: When we fail to examine our inner world, we can’t exercise true autonomy. We instead become reactive—merely responding to outside demands rather than making decisions that honor our authentic selves.
Practical Steps to Rediscover and Own Your Internal Space
1. Ask Honest Questions
Take a moment each day to ask:
“What am I feeling right now?”
“What do I really want in this situation?”
“Is there something I’m tolerating that I shouldn’t be?”
Writing down the answers can give clarity and highlight patterns needing attention.
2. Set Mental Checkpoints
Every time you’re about to commit to something—be it a project, a phone call, or even dinner plans—pause and ask if it aligns with your priorities and values. Remember: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should (Cloud & Townsend, 1992).
3. Communicate Boundaries Clearly
Communicating your newly recognized feelings, desires, or limits to others is key. Let people know if you’re at capacity or if something doesn’t feel right. Clear communication prevents misunderstandings and reinforces your ownership of self (Rosenberg, 2003).
4. Accept the Discomfort of Growth
Reclaiming your emotional property can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing or living on autopilot. Growth often involves stepping out of comfort zones. Embrace a little friction if it leads you closer to authenticity.
A Fun Analogy: Expanding Your “Land”
Picture your inner world as a quiet plot of land. Over time, ignoring it has allowed uninvited guests—like comparison, undue obligations, or societal pressures—to set up camp. Maybe some parts are overgrown or neglected. Taking ownership means walking the boundaries, figuring out which areas need care, which intruders need an eviction notice, and which places you want to expand.
Imagine: Once you reclaim this land, you can plant a garden (your dreams), build a cabin (your safe space), and invite others in only when and where you want them. That’s the power of awareness and choice.
Community Challenge
Think about one aspect of your life—maybe a feeling you’ve ignored or a dream you’ve put on hold. Share in our community how you plan to reclaim that piece of internal property. Are you going to schedule a solo adventure to reconnect with your desires? Maybe you’ll block out a journaling time to clarify a big decision? Let us know!
Prompts for Growth
Identify & Reflect: What are you currently letting onto your property that you haven’t authorized? Is it someone else’s opinion, an old guilt, or unrealistic social media ideals?
Share & Support: Post your observations in the community. Learn how others maintain awareness of their thoughts, feelings, and values.
Plan for Action: Decide on one boundary or area you’ll clarify this week. Whether it’s saying no to an extra commitment or scheduling alone time, commit to reinforcing that boundary.
The Key Takeaway
We often talk about boundaries like property lines, but the crucial question remains: Do you know what’s on your land?Emotions, desires, and values belong to you alone. It’s time to reclaim your internal world, rediscover your unique aspirations, and make choices that align with who you are at the core.
Remember: Your inner space is yours to cultivate, protect, and enjoy. The sooner you acknowledge and embrace it, the sooner you’ll find the clarity and confidence to build a life that’s truly your own.
❤️🔥🥊
References
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Gotham Books.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “What” and “Why” of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.
Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.
Video Music by
Greg Murray
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