The Power of Letting Go
One of the greatest benefits when we let go of control is that we are no longer trying to do things or manage things we simply cannot.
How often do you stress over someone else’s behavior, choices, or actions?
Perhaps so often you've become used to it. I know I have.
Are you actually able to control these things? You might be able to influence, sure, but control...?
Imagine you’re holding a remote control, frantically pressing buttons, hoping to change someone else's channel. The time and spent searhing for batteries cause the control doesn't seem to be working. MAYBE it's the wrong remote!?! Looking around your house for the right remote but nothing seems to work.
Here's the truth—no matter how hard you press, what you try, how many fresh batteries you put in - that remote won't ever work on others. Your control at a fundamental level only works on you.
The Paradox of Control
Letting go doesn’t mean you’re out of control - letting control gives you control
When you let go of attempting to control others, you gain control over the most important aspect: yourself. This irony is what I really want to dive into: empowerment
Because when we try to control others, we become the ones out of control. We become:
Chronic worriers
Micromanagers
Overthinkers
Perfectionists
Incessantly nagging others
And more
Focus on What You Can Control
We can’t control others, but we can control ourselves. Where we struggle to maintain control, that’s often the growth path we need to be on. We can manage our:
Emotions
Thought patterns
Desires
Loves
Feelings
The Secure Feeling of Self-Control
The best feeling of being out of control we can actually solve is when it pertains to ourselves.
I don't want you to feel out of control.
Raise the secure feeling of being in control by letting go of what you can’t control (put down the remote) and realizing the only thing you can control is yourself.
The Science
Research in psychology shows that relinquishing the need to control others can significantly reduce stress and anxiety (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Additionally, neuroscience indicates that focusing on self-regulation enhances our mental well-being and resilience (Schwartz & Begley, 2002). When we focus on controlling our own actions and reactions and not other’s actions, we activate neural pathways that promote emotional regulation and cognitive clarity (Raichle, 2010).
Community Challenge
Reflect on areas in your life where you might be trying to control others. Share your experience in the community. What has been the impact on you and your relationships? How can you shift this focus to yourself?
Action steps:
Identify and Reflect: Think about a recent situation where you tried to control someone else. Did you realize you were? If so, what were you trying to achieve, and how did it make you feel?
Share and Support: Post your experience in the community and read others’ stories. How have they managed to let go of control? What strategies have worked for them?
Plan for Change: Based on your reflection and the community's insights, develop a plan to focus on controlling your own responses and actions. What daily practices will you incorporate to nurture this change?
Today’s daily thought: Take some time to reflect on where you might be trying to control others and how you can shift that focus to yourself.
Remember, by letting go you become free
Let’s grow together by learning to control the only thing we actually can —ourselves. 🌱
🏄🏼♂️Music by:
Greg Murray
References:
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "What" and "Why" of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.
Schwartz, J. M., & Begley, S. (2002). The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force. HarperCollins.
Raichle, M. E. (2010). The Brain's Default Mode Network. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 38, 433-447.
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